Picnic Tea

It never fails to amaze me that after living in London for six years the language can still stump me. Recently my sister was visiting from Vancouver and I arranged for us to spend an evening with family friends in England who we had known over 20 years ago while they were spending a year abroad in Canada.

The day of our meeting I was coordinating with my friend J as to when and where to meet when I received a text message from her saying we would be meeting at her brother’s house for “picnic tea” at 6:30pm. I was perplexed. I mean, I am clearly familiar with picnics and have been drinking tea for most of my life but I had no idea what “picnic tea” is.

I asked my sister for her opinion but aside from chuckling over this strange-sounding term, she was as perplexed as I. Were we having tea outdoors? Would we be nibbling on a few tiny cakes and scones with jam? What about dinner? After all, we’d be meeting at 6:30 in the evening. To avoid disappointment, my sister and I decided to go to meet them for tea but politely abscond after a few hours to get dinner on our own on our way back home.

As it turned out, “picnic tea” involved a table full of food including gourmet pizza, a selection of hors d’oeuvres, cold meat and cheese, vegetables and dip washed down by copious amounts of wine and sparkling wine. We were even offered fruit, chocolate squares for dessert, and coffee. Who knew? In fact, when I think back to the evening, we were served virtually everything…except tea.

Yet a brief bit of sleuthing reveals that our picnic tea was not typical. According to one blog entry I discovered, picnic tea is really no more than having tea outdoors, preferably served with a few sweets. And doing a simple web search I even found several online retailers selling picnic tea sets – wicker hampers filled with teacups, saucers, teapot, spoons and even cloth serviettes – for those days when a simple English picnic tea is in order.

So, it seems picnic tea really is just what it says on the box. But this is a box that may still come with surprises.

British Idioms

"We (the British and Americans) are two countries separated by a common language."


– George Bernard Shaw

When I moved to Britain 6 years ago the country felt so strangely alien to me, perhaps most because of language. Considering English is my mother tongue, I was surprised at how often the British version derailed me– whether when reading the newspaper or watching TV or talking to people in social or practical situations. I found the differences fascinating and even now, years later, I still find myself marvelling at ever more British idioms and colourful slang that I continue to encounter.

When it comes to pronunciation, this can simply be a matter of hit and miss for the new expat, and the longer you live in Britain the better you become at learning the British versions. But when it comes to British words and phrases, these can be much more difficult to decipher. In a moment of desperation shortly after my arrival in London, I discovered this online Dictionary of Slang through a web search. I continue to consult it more than any other online slang dictionary or reference guide since I feel it is accurate and more extensive than most others:

http://www.peevish.co.uk/slang/c.htm

An indispensable tool that I would recommend to any expat as part of their Britain survival kit.

A Matter of Pronunciation

Sometimes the differences in language are slight. North Americans and Brits may use the same word to mean the same thing but simply pronounce it differently. For example, in North America we will pronounce the word “military” as “MI-li-ta-ry” whereas in Britain it is pronounced “MI-li-tree”. Similarly, “strawberry” is “STRAW-bree” and “raspberry” becomes “RAHZ-bree”. Instead of the North American “SKEL-eh-tul” for the word “skeletal”, the Brits say “skel-EE-tul”. This is just a brief sampling as there’s a whole raft of these words to keep one amused.

Then are the vagaries of pronunciation, which turn a word like “Leicester” into “LES-ter” and “Bicester” into “BIS-ter”. And then there is that British tendency to dislike pronouncing those pesky mid-word “w”s so that “Woolwich” becomes “WOOL-ich” and “Dulwich” is pronounced “DULL-ich”. But there are the odd exceptions to this rule. I once got into a black cab in London headed for the address “One Aldwych”. Puzzled over how to pronounce the word, I thought I’d cleverly follow the silent “w” rule and pronounced it “ALL-ditch”. I felt quite pleased with myself until the driver repeated it back to me as “ALD-witch”. Oh well. At least I must have amused the driver.

One pronunciation I’ve never been able to figure out is how “drawings” becomes “DRAW-rings” to the Brits. Why the extra “r”?

Choice Words

This is only a partial and random list of words I have come across since being in London that I had never heard before in North America. Again, the Dictionary of Slang, along with other online sources, has been an invaluable tool for deciphering them:

Boffin – A person engaged in science or scientific research. Essentially, it’s Britain’s equivalent of “nerd”.

Dodgy – a very useful and remarkably flexible adjective that means anything risky or dubious. Used colloquially. A person can be dodgy. A neighbourhood can be dodgy. Even a shady company or business deal can be dodgy.

Chav – This deserves lengthier treatment than a few sentences here. Essentially it means a member of the less-educated lower classes who has little ambition in life and dresses in real or fake Burberry. At least this is how it was explained to me when I first asked about its meaning. If male, a chav tends to engage in disorderly public behaviour (called “anti-social behaviour” in Britain), wears shell suits (tracksuits), sports shoes and a lot of gold (usually fake) jewellery. If female, a chav is typically scantily clad in clothing two sizes too small, with heaps of makeup and hair tied tightly back into a ponytail. But this meagre definition doesn’t do the term justice. There is a whole culture and history (albeit recent) around the concept of a chav that must be explained to understand it more fully. I’ll delve into the concept of the chav in a separate blog entry.

Yob – short for “yobbo”. Means an uncouth (typically male) person or thug. A few years ago, an article in London’s Evening Standard newspaper quoted Victoria Beckham complaining about her husband allegedly saying “I’ve married an Essex yob”:

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/showbiz/article-13136928-i-married-tattooed-yob-says-posh.do

More on the Essex reference in a future blog posting.

Naff – unfashionable, useless, of poor quality, unappealing

Knackered – tired, fatigued

Nonce – I first heard the word “nonce” while watching a British prison drama on TV from a mid-way point in the storyline. As I recall the story, an innocent woman was being wrongly jailed. Upon meeting her cellmates, they accused her of being a nonce. Unable to follow the story line without explanation, I asked my English-born, Canadian-bred friend, who also had no idea. So I consulted my trusted online dictionary, which essentially describes a nonce as a paedophile. Learning that gave a whole new colour to the crime drama I had been watching.

Punter – Refers to a paying customer and has been used to describe anyone from a better at a racetrack to a patron of a pub, to a prostitute’s john, among others. However the word “punter” seems to have become accepted in more benign and general use to simply mean “customer”. I’ve heard TV presenters on BBC Breakfast use the term to mean “customer”, so it must be gospel.

Bap – A bread roll. As in a “bacon bap”. However the Dictionary of Slang gives the meaning of the plural “baps” as (very unflatteringly, I might add) breasts.

Butty – A sandwich. As in “bacon butty” or “sausage butty”.

It seems the British have a plethora of words for the bacon sandwich including: bacon butty/buttie, bacon sarnie, bacon barm, bacon cob, among others. They must love their bacon. This brings me to food and food-related vocabulary, but this merits a separate entry of its own.

Toff – a member of the upper classes. From my experience, this usually is said only of upper-class men.

Plonker – a penis. Also commonly used to mean an idiot or foolish person.

Willy – also means a penis.

Pants – if you want to say “trousers” in Britain, say “trousers” since “pants” means underwear/underpants.

Knickers – when I was a child I remember with horror these short pants (I mean the North American meaning of “pants”) that came to the knee with a side button just under each kneecap that we called “knickers”. But to the Brits, “knickers” refer to women’s underpants.

Jumper – a sweater or pullover. It is not, in fact, a little girl’s dress with a bib front and straps over the shoulders.

Barmy – crazy, mad, insane. Similar to the British “barking”, a short form for “barking mad”. N.B. There is also a tube (subway) station in London called “Barking”.

WAGS – One of my personal favourites. WAGS is an acronym for “wives and girlfriends” of the footballers. If you don’t understand the significance, look up the TV show “Footballers’ Wives”, or just think Victoria (aka Posh Spice) Beckham.

Favourite British Expressions

“You all right there?” often followed by “luv” – The first time I walked into a shoe repair the man behind the counter asked me this. I was puzzled over how to respond. Was he asking if I was okay (literal translation)? Or was he asking if I needed help (implied, and most logical translation)? I remember thinking, if I answer “Yes, I’m fine”, then maybe he’ll think I don’t need any help and get back to replacing shoe heels. But then if I were to answer “No, I’m not all right because my shoes need to be re-soled”, won’t that make me seem a little crazy, as if I’m taking the condition of my shoes awfully seriously? So now I just say “Yes” and quickly get down to the business at hand.

Croydon facelift – The online Dictionary of Slang defines this as a new style of haircut, typically worn by the working classes. “It involves pulling the hair into a pony tail, and tying it so tightly at the back of the head that the resulting skin across the face is pulled taught, as though in a facelift. Usually derog.” Since learning the term, I have seen a few unfortunate cases in and around London.

Salad dodger – a fat person

Coffin dodger – an elderly person. Yes seriously. I didn’t think anyone actually used this phrase until April of this year when Scottish Labour MP, Stuart MacLennan, campaigning for the British General Election, was sacked after making a series of offensive comments on Twitter including calling elderly voters “bloody coffin dodgers”.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/apr/09/stuart-maclennan-sacked-twitter-general-election

Glasgow kiss – a headbutt

Meat and two veg – when used in context, refers to male genitalia. Adventurer Bear Grylls remarked on one of his TV shows, while sliding down a rope, about having to protect his “meat and two veg”.

And finally…a note about telling time...

Now you would think telling the time would be straightforward since you’ve been doing it since your age was in single digits, but in Britain this, too, has its potential hazards. When the British say they’ll meet you at “half five” what time is it? The first time I heard this I wondered whether they follow the German rule (however unlikely that would be) and mean 4:30? In German, to say “half five” or “halb fünf” is like saying ‘halfway to five o’clock’, meaning 4:30. It simply mimics the movement of the hands of a clock and, in this way, is logical. But tourists in Britain beware! When the British say “half five” they actually mean 5:30.